i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
