Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
