it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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