I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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