am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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