If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
