i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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