Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
did you just send me my own nude
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
