Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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