idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
