Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
