What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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