Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
