I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
