Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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