It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
