i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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