well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
