Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
