some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
