Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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