Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i out mim tonsoeep
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
