omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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