fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
