I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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