Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
