Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
