Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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