It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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