is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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