mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize