Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
