Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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