Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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