i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i believe in u and ur pee
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
