Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
