Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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