Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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