Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
