Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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