I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize