he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wear drunk well.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
