All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
