Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
