You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The air was thick with penises
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
