It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
