My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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