fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
