Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize