so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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