walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
