it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
