guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
