we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
