you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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