Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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