um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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