Ketchup is God's man juice
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
