I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
