We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
