So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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