I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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