New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
