Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
