He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize