U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh god it's open bar.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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