Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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