someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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