the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
