I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
