The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
