currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
