I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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