It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
