Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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