hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize